ideas for how to support yourself and ask for support from others
by frankie d's donuts
support can look like many things
Sometimes it’s hard to know what would help, especially when you’re tired, overwhelmed, upset, or used to taking care of everyone else.
You do not need to choose the “perfect” kind of support. Look at the options below and try to notice what feels closest to what you need right now.
what can i do to
support myself?
comfort
- make or buy something warm to eat or drink
- wrap myself in a blanket
- take a shower or bath
- sit somewhere that feels familiar
- spend time with an animal
- listen to music that helps me feel held
- watch something comforting
- let myself cry
- speak to myself with more kindness
rest
- cancel or postpone something that can wait
- lie down without needing to sleep
- take a break from my phone
- go to bed earlier
- do less than I originally planned
- give myself permission not to be productive
- choose the easiest available option
Distinctive and Bold
- notice five things I can see
- feel my feet against the floor
- hold something warm or cold
- take a few slow breaths
- name what I am feeling
- remind myself where I am and that this moment will pass
- stretch or gently move my body
- focus on one small task at a time
space
- step outside
- spend some time alone
- move to a quieter room
- turn off notifications
- say no to a request
- wait before responding to a message
- schedule some alone time
Distinctive and Bold
- text someone I trust
- ask someone to sit with me
- spend time in a shared space, even without talking
- attend a peer-support group
- call a friend or family member
- tell someone honestly that I am having a hard day
- ask for company while I do something difficult
- speak with someone at work, school, or in my community
reduce overwhelm
- write down what feels overwhelming
- order food instead of cooking
- ask for help with errands, childcare, transportation, etc
- move a deadline
- ask someone to help me understand my options
- use a reminder, checklist, or calendar
professional support
- contact a therapist, counsellor, doctor, or support worker
- reach out to a crisis or distress service
- ask someone I trust to help me find support
- call or text 988
what could others do to support me?
“I need someone to listen.”
- "Could you listen without giving me advice?”
- “I don’t need you to fix this. I just need to say it out loud.”
- “Could you stay with me while I talk through it?”
- “Can I tell you what has been going on?”
“I need reassurance or validation.”
- “Could you remind me that my feelings make sense?”
- “Can you tell me I’m not a burden?”
- “Could you remind me that I don’t have to figure everything out today?”
- “I need to hear that you believe me.”
“I need someone to listen.”
- “Could you sit with me for a while?”
- “Can we go for a walk?”
- “Could you call me later today?”
- “Would you stay on the phone while I do this?”
- “I don’t feel like talking, but I don’t want to be alone.”
“I need practical help”
- “Could you help me make a plan?”
- “Can you help me with one of the things on my list?”
- “Could you bring me something to eat?”
- “Can you drive me to my appointment?”
- “Could you help me make this phone call?”
- “Can you come over and help me clean my house?"
“I need some space”
- “I care about you, but I need some quiet time.”
- “I’m not ready to talk about this yet.”
- "I need a night alone"
- “I need some time before I respond.”
“I need help finding support"
- “Could you help me look for a therapist or support group?”
- “Could you come with me to the appointment?”
- “Can you help me tell someone that I’m struggling?”
- “I’m not sure what kind of help I need. Could you help me?"
tips in asking for support
you can be specific
Sometimes people want to help but do not know how. It may help to tell them:
- what you need
- what you do not need
- when you need it
- how long you would like the support
- whether you want listening, comfort, practical help, advice, or space
support includes consent
Support is not one-size-fits-all.
Something that feels comforting to one person may feel overwhelming to someone else. Before offering physical touch, advice, questions, or practical help, ask what would feel supportive.
You might say:
- “Would you like listening, validation, advice, or something else?”
- “Would a hug feel supportive?”
- “Do you want me to ask questions, or would you rather I just listen?”
- “Would you like company or some space?”
- “Can I check in again later?”
Consent also matters for the person being asked to provide support.
When someone tells us what they need, we can pause and honestly consider whether we have the time, energy, capacity, or skills to offer it.
Caring about someone does not mean ignoring our own limits or agreeing to support that would leave us overwhelmed, unsafe, or unable to care for ourselves. It is okay to say:
- “I can listen for ten minutes, but I can’t stay longer tonight.”
- “I’m not able to offer that, but I could help you think of someone else to contact.”
- “I want to support you, but this is more than I know how to help with. Can we find someone who is better equipped?”
A boundary does not mean the person asking is wrong for needing support, or that the person being asked does not care.
Care works best when the person receiving support has a choice, and the person offering it can do so without abandoning their own wellbeing.
“I need someone to listen.”
- “Could you sit with me for a while?”
- “Can we go for a walk?”
- “Could you call me later today?”
- “Would you stay on the phone while I do this?”
- “I don’t feel like talking, but I don’t want to be alone.”
“I need practical help”
- “Could you help me make a plan?”
- “Can you help me with one of the things on my list?”
- “Could you bring me something to eat?”
- “Can you drive me to my appointment?”
- “Could you help me make this phone call?”
- “Can you come over and help me clean my house?"